ADDING JOY: Changing Your Daily To-Do List

[TLDR: I explain how I got there, skip to the bottom if you're not interested or busy.]

I used to read a lot about why I procrastinate. Ironically, I read those blogs or articles WHILE I was procrastinating. There are so many suggestions on being better organized, or entire journaling systems for getting more done. None of them worked for me.

Am I just a hot mess? According to who knows what experts, probably. But let's take a look at our own patterns:

• There are projects or tasks that I start that I can hardly put down until I finish. This means I do not have an attention span problem

• I've designed and managed 1-3-6 month long marketing campaigns involving multiple teams and moving pieces, and saw them through to the end. This means I know how to plan, organize, and execute

So if I look at the problem as a WHOLE and not as just the pieces that society tells me I need to "fix" or "learn" to do better, it becomes an entirely different problem.

For many of us who grew up with the freedom to choose and dream, our brains are accustomed to having options - meaning saying yes to certain things and no to others. We seek joy and lean towards the things that we want to say yes to.

My Brain Didn't Understand My To-Do List

It really didn't. I can't believe it took me this long to realize that was the problem. It used to look like this:

1. Need to do 1

2. Need to do 2

3. Need to do 3

4. Need to do 4

5. Need to do 5

6. Need to do 6

7. Need to do 7

8. Need to do 8

9. Want to do 1

10. Want to do 2

Miserable. Everyday my list of things I needed to do fluctuates depending on how many I crossed off the day before and how many new ones cropped up. What's the result? I almost NEVER get to the things I want to do. And before long, I'm just emotionally exhausted. Why?

• Doing the things I need to do makes me a functioning adult. Functioning meaning I make sure I have things like healthcare coverage and my rent is paid, and by extension my family.

• Doing things I want to do tells me that my desires are valid and important, and by extension, I'm important.

As it turns out, for a long time, I was basically telling myself that what I wanted wasn't important. For example, have you ever gone out to a social gathering when all you wanted to do was stay in for the night? It tells your brain what you're told you should do is important. What you want to do is not as important.

And my brain, being smarter than me, tries to protect me by sending "help me" signals with unhappiness. So what I perceived to be me being miserable and incapable, was really my brain fighting me repeatedly telling myself I'm not important.

Am I saying to shirk all responsibilities and only do what you want? That's hardly possible for many of us to would still like to function within society long term. But here is what my new to-do list looks like:

New To-Do List!

It's not something fancy or requires a new anything. It's just 1 change:

1. WANT TO DO #

2. Need to do 1

3. Need to do 2

4. Need to do 3

5. ...

6. Want to do 1

7. Want to do 2

8. Want to do 3

Hey, I still NEED health insurance. I still need to pay my bills. I can't get away from all of that. But what I CAN do is make a list of everything I want to do that makes me happy, and do AT LEAST ONE each day.

I've often heard the advice, tell yourself you're important each day. But words are just the beginning. By implementing a small but significant change daily, we're not only reaffirming our own worth, but we end up with at least one feel-good memory at the end of each day to go to sleep to.